The teams are being sent to the Royal Bath and Wells show in Somerset, which sounds like a made-up thing, but is actually an agricultural show. Each team will have to try and flog one established product and two new, and undoubtedly ludicrous, new items and the team with the most profit will win. Though Lord Siralan does warn that he will be monitoring the team members individual sales figures.
This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but doesn't Bianca look massive here?
Given Mark and Daniel would rather boil themselves alive than support each other, the question for team Tenacity is which compromise candidate will be Project Manager. Katie argues she's good at sales, Felipe claims he is a logistic specialist and will manage the rest of the team. Mark and Daniel support Felipe. Given that Felipe lost his one previous task as PM and Katie won hers, this seems dubious, but the Felipe does, apparently, posses a pair of testicles, which may make all the difference.
Speaking of testicles, at Team Tenacity James is keen to be Project Manager and promises to put his balls on the line. Presumably, these are the same balls he worked off a few weeks ago on the coach tour. So having worked them off, he is now putting them on the line, maybe he washed them and now they need to dry off? Roisin wonders whether James would be better off concentrating on sales while someone else managed the team, but James is confident that he can do both. The rest of the team go along with it, possibly just to shut him up.`
The teams are divided with half going to appraise new products to sell at the show. Products in these tasks fall into two categories: semi-practical items that seem enormously expensive, and ludicrous novelty items that are cheaper, but still way over-priced given their obvious lack of use. In the former category are a child-seat trailer that bolts onto a bike for £300, a robot cleaner for £250 and a swinging garden chair for £495. In the latter are a handbag made from a flat cap for £60, a pet tracker for £65 and pair of foldable wellington boots for £55.
Some kind of robot leaf clearer
Felipe and Mark like the hat handbags, for some reason. In fact, they're so enthusiastic that they get caught up in guaranteeing they get the product and forget to ask if they can offer discounts at the show and don't even think about it until Katie points it out over the phone. Mark admits this may have been an oversight. Thanks Mark, good thing you're here to let us know what someone else has already told us.
Meanwhile, Bianca, Solomon and Sanjay have settled on the pet detector and the bike trailer and have managed to negotiate some decent discounts. They get on the phone to James with the good news and he immediately decides on the foldable wellies and the hanging chair for absolutely no reason at all. Honestly, this comes across as him choosing items specifically because the team didn't recommend them. This leaves team Tenacity to scoop up the bike trailer, with £50 discount.
You don't have to sit on everything, Felipe
Meanwhile, the other sub-teams arrive at the show to view established products. Daniel is very keen to sell himself to the vendors and can't stop using the words "passion" and "passionate". He's obsessed with sales figures and promises to "excel" their targets. Which presumably means make a spreadsheet of them? Katie, whose job appears to be pointing out things that people should really have noticed themselves, says he may be coming across as too intense, try insane and disturbing. For the final vendor, hot tubs, Daniel tones it down promising to be fun and send customers away with a smile.
Daniel frightening a vendor with his 'passion'
James and Roisin also meet the vendors. James tries to be enthusiastic, but comes across as bored and impatient. But, like Tenacity, they both want the hot tubs. Or as James puts it "they're nice, they're round, hot tubs, fuck it". Unfortunately for James, the vendor goes with Tenacity because James called him Derek twice, when his name is Anthony. Surprisingly, he takes this as evidence that James may not be attention to detail. James, inattentive, slander surely?
This is Daniel when he's happy
James goes into a strop, and saying "sod him". He then decides not to tell the sub-team that the vendor turned him down, because he thinks it might damage their morale. Roisin says she won't lie and that she thinks he should tell the truth. James says he doesn't want to and "at the end of the day it's about what I want." This makes him sound like a sulky five year old having a miserable time at his birthday party. He tells them team that he made a business decision to choose lawn mowers. The team can tell something is up, but aren't sure what.
James is less happy
Daniel and Katie think they should be the ones selling the hot tubs as they won the pitch. But Mark, in the car with Felipe on the way to the show, is lobbying hard to be given the job. Felipe agrees, though whether it's because he thinks Mark is the superior salesperson, or just because he's sitting in the same car, is unclear. When Daniel finds out that Felipe wants Mark and Katie to sell hot-tubs he blows his top. Daniel is drifting towards paranoia, practically accusing Mark of having mind powers and hypnotising Felipe. Away from the argument Mark admits to being sneaky, though it's a pretty limited sneakiness. He asked Felipe if he could sell hot tubs and Felipe said yes. It's not exactly Machiavelli.
The following day and there is disquiet in both teams. Bianca, Solomon and Sanjay are still suspicious about James, and he still won't own up. While James and Roisin go to flog lawn mowers, the sub-team are left with the foldable wellies and swinging chairs that James foisted on them. Unfortunately, the wellies turn out to be expensive and flimsy, with thin soles not suited too heavy duty agricultural use. There's no shortage of pets and children around and, when James calls for an update, the sub-team point this out and how it's a shame that they don't have any products specifically geared towards children or pets, for instance. This causes James to blow his top and their negativity.
Quite a lot of things seem to be making James angry today. While Roisin is on top of the lawn mower specs, James keeps forgetting and has to consult his notes. He's pretty sure it has oil in it, but that's about the limit. Unsurprisingly, Roisin makes the first sale. So James accuses her of undermining him and patronising him. Presumably by being better at her job than he is? Nick Hewer is staying well out of this and just enjoying sitting on a mower.
But it's hardly happy families with team Tenacity. Mark and Katie are getting on well enough selling hot tubs, but Daniel just can't let it go. They spend the entire morning sniping at each other and ignoring customers. Daniel starts by accusing Felipe of being too pushy, which is a bit like Lord Siralan telling someone they look like a hedgehog. The argument degenerates from who is the better salesperson, to who is better educated, to who has the bigger company. Fortunately they stop just short of dropping their trousers and comparing testicles. Though if they did, I'm sure James would be along to put his on the line.
After lunch, Daniel makes another pitch to be moved back to hot tubs. Mark and Katie resist because they have customers coming back to see them specifically. Daniel isn't willing to give up, but Katie is and hangs up on him. Daniel is left arguing with a dead phone and is still losing.
She's gone, Daniel
Team Summit are making a last push. Bianca manages to get an announcement on the tanoy system advertising their wellies and James finally sells a lawn mower having, apparently, met someone who wants to buy a lawn mower and really doesn't want to know anything about it. But it may all be for nothing when a man who owns a holiday park buys seven hot tubs from Mark at the last minute.
In the board room Felipe and Mark are criticised for failing to ask for discounts from the cap-bag man, and Daniel for almost blowing the pitches by charging in like a bull in a china shop. Daniel claims he addressed this in the third pitch, but Katie points out that she told him to. She also gets credit for reminding Mark and Felipe to ask for discounts. Lord Siralan keeps referring to her as 'Mum' which is a dubious compliment. The team are asked how Felipe did as PM. Surely he can count on Mark's support given he did everything Mark told him? Mark just says that they're reaching the part of the process where the nice guys suffer. Which is a bit like stabbing him in the back with a foam rubber knife.
James is still trying to claim that the lawn mowers were a business decision and not an all mighty cock up. After coming under pressure from Lord Siralan and Roisin he finally confesses and admits he called the hot-tub guy Derek twice. Though he manages to confess in a spectacularly huffy way, like a sulky teenager whose been caught not doing his homework. Lord Siralan says he should be called Trigger rather than Del Boy, but slightly spoils the joke by having to explain that Trigger kept getting Rodney's name wrong in Only Fools and Horses. Never mind Lord Siralan, one day you'll meet someone who appreciates your sense of humour.
Team Summit managed to make £4757.50, but Tenacity, no thanks to the bags and entirely thanks to the sales of ten hot tubs, make £30,115. Daniel is still pissed off about not being able sell hot tubs. I think he would actually rather have lost than won because of Mark. Fortunately, they are sent off to a boxing class with Anthony Ogogo, so Daniel can take out his aggression by actually punching something
Victory at last
In the cafe, James is still trying to justify himself. Apparently, if he had told the truth it would have gotten into the teams heads and effected their performance. Possibly not as much as completely ignoring their choice of products. Nor does it explain why he didn't confess until Roisin ratted him out to Lord Siralan.
Lord Siralan expects to hear something from Roisin, as he thinks she's been too quiet up to now. She takes advantage of the opportunity, claiming that James is patronising, difficult to work with, doesn't listen and leaves a trail of destruction behind him. James retaliates by claiming that Roisin doesn't have an instinct for business decisions, which is a bit like someone standing over a corpse with a bloody knife complaining that the police officer arrests him has terrible shoes. Nick throws James a lifeline by pointing out that Sanjay had the worst sales record and wasn't named in any of his notes. When Sanjay tries to stand up for himself, Nick just repeats "nameless" as though Sanjay's having some kind of weird flash back. James takes the hint and brings Sanjay back into the boardroom as well as Roisin because he hates her.
Roisin doesn't let up her assault on James, saying he's trying to show he's decisive but makes all the wrong decisions. In the face of this James practically breaks down, saying he wants someone, like Lord Siralan, to take them on and smooth out the rough edges. He just about avoids breaking down in tears. James has no shifted from sulky teenager to begging the headmaster's forgiveness. Flattery will get you a long way in the Apprentice, and Sanjay's poor sales and Roisin's failure to catch Lord Siralan's attention until now look like they may have saved them. But James is too much work even for Lord Siralan and gets fired.
James gets serious, not that it does any good
At the house Bianca is expecting James to come back. So that's Bianca's stupid comment of the week taken care of.
Next Time: Lord Sirlan scares the shit out of the Apprenti by turning up at the house to send them on a scavenger hunt and Daniel and Roisin get involved in a diamond heist.
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