Episode 12 - July 17th 2013 - The Reckoning

And so, after eleven weeks, we come to a crescendo, the final, the most exciting moment of the series. Or not. To be honest, I always find the final a bit anti-climactic. The worst, and therefore most entertaining, candidates have gone and the task itself is far too serious and self-important  to be any fun. At least, this year, the program-makers have seen sense and given us a proper final instead of using the interview round as the final, that way we get some of the old candidates back for a last hurrah. But even this is muted. With their irons well and truly out of the fire, the bitching and back-stabbing is largely toned down and all that's left is Lord Siral thinking long and hard about a decision that, by now, only he and the candidates are truly invested in. It's a dubious prize in any case. £250,000, but in return you have Lord Siral as your business partner, that's a heck of a sacrifice.

Must... resist... urge... to... stick... out... foot

The build up to the task is even more overblown than usual as Leah and Luisa are forced to stand side by side in a massive atrium, facing Karen and Nick, before Lord Siral marches in behind then, between the candidates before failing to make any kind of impression at all. The urge to stick out a foot as he walked past must have been overwhelming. The task? Launch their businesses, overnight. So all they have to do is come up with a brand name, logo and advert before giving a presentation to an audience of industry experts. Something tells me that the victors brand will be subject to considerable revision before actually being launched.

 Pendulum arms

Incidentally, Leah seems to have developed a very odd walk. She swings her arms vertically in front of her like a pendulum. Judging by her limited range of facial expressions, I'm starting to think she might be a clockwork android like in that episode of Doctor Who.

The best possible candidate?

Leah and Luisa are shoved off into a back room to pick their teams from the losing candidates who are willing to show up. Unfortunately, this year the finalists don't get to pick them by name, schools sports style allowing us to see exactly who respects who and how much. Instead, they have a bundle of CVs to look over before calling them up. Luisa has pretty good idea of who she wants, unfortunately, Leah had the same idea and was quicker on the phone snapping up Myles, Alex, Francesca and Uzma. Luisa is left with Neil, who she did actually want, Zee, Natalie and Jason, who she definitely didn't. I bet they all felt good finding out the were the consolation prize live in the audience for 'You're Hired.'

Leah has some very clear ideas of what her cosmetic surgery brand should be and already has a name, Niks, which is skin spelled backwards and not someone slipping with a knife. If you made that mistake you won't be the last one to do it this evening. Leah is keen to listen to suggestions, providing they're hers and after consulting herself concludes that this is definitely the brand name to go with.

 Branding Concept

In fact, after weeks of blending into the background, Leah appears to have three months of bossiness stored up and proceeds to full on dictator mode ordering the designers and her team about. Still, no-one can say she doesn't have clear ideas about what she wants.

The same can't be said for Luisa who is struggling to explain her brand to her own team. It definitely involves baking supplies, definitely equipment, possibly ingredients. She wants to sell to the trade, but not the public, or possibly to the public? It's not very clear. She stops off at a cake shop to survey her potential market place, by which I mean she tells them exactly what they should want and gives them the opportunity to agree with it.

Crystal Clear

Her choice of branding and logo don't make any thing clearer. If she is planning on selling to the trade then she should, surely be going for a professional look. So her choice of covering everything in pink and crowning it with a cartoon version of her own face looks decidedly odd. Neil tries to warn her that market research shows that pink could be off-putting to men, but Luisa decides to go with pink anyway because she likes pink so STFU.

A bit pink

Meanwhile, after weeks of standing around looking meek, Leah has saved up all her reserves of dictatorial bossiness and is letting it out full force with her designers and the rest of the team. She definitely wants professional and medical, but is also enamoured with a back to front letter K for some reason.

The bossiness extends into the next day when shooting an advert in a hastily mocked up clinic. Alex and Uzma can't even set out plants in the waiting room without Leah moving things around. I bet they wish they'd waited for Luisa to call now. The situation gets worse when Myles and Francesca, having carried out some last minute market research, warn her that the general public hate the name Niks and think it sounds like an accident with a scalpel. Leah has to change the name to N.I.K.S, which doesn't sound quite so threatening but invites questions about what it stands for.

My Face!

Things are going better at Luisa's advertising shoot, even if she is just reading things off idiot boards held up by Jason (I'm saying nothing). The production has the feel of an infomercial, except for the presence of two children who have to pretend Luisa is the Mum. They look less than happy, which is to say shocked and horrified, at the idea.

 Happy to be working with you

Presentations are looming and Luisa steadies her nerves by icing a million cupcakes. On the plus side the pink spotlights are out and Neil has brought plenty of pink balloons. Luisa has to give her presentation to the leading lights of the baking industry and Lord Siral. She stumbles over her words, but basically gets it out. The bakers don't seem to be any clearer on her target market than anyone else, but it basically goes okay. So it's surprising when she bursts into tears straight afterwards. Maybe its the emotion of the moment or possibly the thought that she might actually win and have to work with Lord Siral.

Luisa gets emotional, maybe she doesn't like balloons

The experts conclude that there is potential here, but the details need ironing out. Not least, who the hell is she actually trying to sell to?

No tears at Leah's presentation. Though that may be because she's injected so many chemicals into her face that she's no longer capable of experiencing human emotions. She wants her chain of plastic surgery clinics to be hyper-medical and specialise in three of the simplest procedures. One member of her audience, who likes she's had a bit of work done herself, thinks this is a mistake, as the major selling point in cosmetic surgery is a personal relationship with a doctor. To give her credit, Leah stands her ground pointing out that the market leader is a chain and is completely impersonal.

 Hands up everyone who still has their original face

The conclusion, pretty much the same as Luisa, decent idea, know the market, needs work. And the branding is pretty terrible.

 Backwards K

Back in the boardroom the former candidates essentially support their team leader. Even Jason, who thinks that Luisa's decision to choose him shows a level of respect. Good thing he doesn't know that she went through every other option, including the furniture, before settling on him.

 Jason is just happy to be here

The candidates dismissed there follows a good deal of waffle, but Lord Siralan's principal insight is that Luisa's branding looks too personal and Leah's too professional. He would call the clinics 'Dr Leah.' She doesn't like that. Okay Leah, it's great that you've found your confidence, but I'm not convinced it's a good idea to argue with the money.

The question is really the same as last week. Does Lord Siral go with the simple option of selling stuff to people or something risky that he hasn't tried before. The safe versus risky option is pretty much the same dilemma as last year, but as we know, last time he went with the safe option. So this year risky wins out and Leah gets the crown and the money and demonstrates that she is actually capable of smiling, though it may cause her physical pain.

 Disappointed Luissa

We then switch over to 'You're Hired' in which Luisa apologises to Jason three times in quick succession in a bid to show that she is, in fact, still human, and then Leah comes on in triumph only to be overshadowed by Lord Siral who insists that the new business venture won't involve doing face lifts on school children. We're all so relieved.

 Victorious Leah

Episode 11 - July 10th 2013 - Inquisition

It's time for the ritual humiliation in front of four obnoxious monsters task, or the Interview task. In this task we are invited to sympathise with the candidates by watching them be abused to their faces by people who are, somehow, even more annoying than they. The worst offender being Claude Littner, a bald, mutant cyborg like creature with no apparent lower body, whose role is ostensibly to critique the candidates business plan, but whose actually job is to spit bile at them across a desk. Every time at least one interview devolves into a barked exchange in which he insists 'x' which the candidate proclaims 'not x' over and over. Weirdly, he can be quite complimentary about them in the boardroom afterwards, which shows what a performance this all is.

 The Victims

Actually, the task seems to have been toned down somewhat this year. Only Claude is truly vile. Other than him we have Mike Soutar who comes across more as smug and creepy, like a sexual predator with a delusional sense of his personal charm, rather than aggressive. Then there's Margaret Mountford, whose mode is stern headmistress, more disappointed than angry. And finally the newly arrived Claudine Collins who wants to understand the candidates as people, which, disturbingly, leads more than one them to treat her like a therapist.

Claude Littner

Leah, having drifted through tasks thanks to luck more than judgement, actually comes across as the most competent candidate. Her business plan, to set up a chain of cosmetic (or aesthetic as she prefers to label them) surgery clinics, seems well thought through if slightly ethically suspect. She's also responsible for two of the best moments of the episode. Firstly, Mike Soutar invites her to critique his face and she does so with medical precision. It's as close as any candidate gets to insulting the interviewer. Then Claude attempts to argue her sums don't add up, at which point she reels off her entire first years figures, right down to the cleaner, from memory. The best Claude can come up with by way of response is that she talks fast.

 How could you improve on this face?

Leah, treating triumph and disaster just the same

Poor Francesca is stuck being labelled boring by comparison. Her business proposal is to set up a chain of dance studios, which is essentially a bigger version of her current company. Unfortunately, she hasn't had much luck growing her existing business and isn't on top of her figures. She has to admit that she pulled her £5 million turnover figure out of her arse. At least she gets the opportunity to complain to Claudine Collins about how some of the candidates, by which she means Luisa, are ruthless, manipulative, game-players.

 Francesca, caught out

Luisa, meanwhile, appears to have used her CV to settle old scores, slagging off her old boss as being an idiot. Her business plan is vague on the specifics. It has something to do with baking supplies, but it isn't clear if she means ingredients or equipment and her plan is apparently to set up a brand she can sell to retailers. She does know the industry, which is considered a plus, but its hard to shake the feeling that the interviewers find her about as annoying as the audience. We do get one moment of greatness from her when she makes an innocuous comparison between herself and Lord Siral and he reacts like Ayatollah Khomeini if she just announced she was the Prophet Muhammad.

 Er... yeah

Neil has generally been a strong candidate, apart from his habits of claiming credit for everything and acting like the Project Manager even when he isn't. But in front of Claudine Collins he admits that his deceased father wanted him to be a professional footballer, an ambition he failed to achieve. His insane over-confidence now comes across as a psychological defence from someone who can't face the possibility of failure and a need to impress a man who can't possibly acknowledge him. It's all a bit sad really.

Claudine Collins probes Neil

  Staring into the void

Unfortunately, his online estates agency business turns out to be completely bonkers. The initial plan, to set up a web portal from which users can attempt to sell their own house, probably has a market, if not as massive a one as Neil thinks. But he destroys it by claiming that other Estate Agencies will also advertise there, suggesting they essentially undercut themselves. Neil's mad ambition now extends to the belief that enemies will kill themselves in the face of his awesome might. Soutar tries to offer him an out by asking what he would do if Lord Siral like him, but not his plan. But Neil stampedes in the wrong direction by insisting that he would somehow convince Lord Siral that it was a good idea in the face of good-sense, logic and the laws of physics. Amazingly, the only thing Neil believes in more than himself is his crazy business proposal.

Mike is in no way happy to criticise Neil's business plan

Still, if Neil's experience is a surprise, it's nothing compared to Jordan. He seems to start out well with Margaret, a bit smug but reasonably eloquent. Claudine Collins draws blood when she notes that his claims about his time as President of the Oxford University Entrepreneurs society may have been exaggerated, but candidates have survived worse than this. Mike Soutar tests his claim to be able to solve a Rubik's cube in three minutes. He fails, but if that's the worst he can do it isn't much. The real shock comes from Claude. Turns out Jordan's silent partner is actually the owner of an existing online games company. Jordan doesn't have a stake, but still wants Lord Siral to invest, and is only willing to offer 15.39% of the company he doesn't own. What's more, the silent partner is only the co-founder of the company along with a mysterious third person about whom we learn nothing. Claude declares Jordan to be a parasite and throws him out of the room. To his credit, Jordan doesn't thank him for his time, to his shame he doesn't flip the table or punch Claude in the face.

 Margaret Mountford eyes up Jordan...

...and is less than impressed

Back in the boardroom the Inquisitors are all obsequious smiles and ares-kissing in front of Lord Siral. They're also the only people in the country who find his laboured puns amusing in anything other than an ironic way (his best, in response to Luissa's baking plan is to say he's not going to spend hundreds and thousands on hundreds and thousands). The conclusions are essentially that Jordan is a non-starter, he's a facilitator not an entrepreneur and his business plan isn't even his own. Neil is a good candidate with a hopelessly misguided faith in a terrible idea. Francesca has a good idea, but little evidence of solid business skills. Luisa knows her market but could be a nightmare to work with. And Leah is probably the most credible, but there's something a bit ethically dodgy about her plan. Lord Siral actually uses the word 'moral' which doesn't trip of his tongue easily.

All friends here

With the Inquisitors dismissed, the Apprenti return. Though only briefly in Jordan's case, as Lord Siral dispatches him immediately. Apparently this shows how serious the process is. Though I would argue the opposite, given Jordan has made it to week 11 even though his plan was a non-starter and he's kept more credible candidates out of the final.

Bye bye Jordan

Next goes Neil, who proves to be not only incapable of taking a hint, but not capable of taking a straight up statement of fact. The only thing he cares about more than his father's approval and Lord Siral's money is the stupid business plan. In the face of reason, common-sense and Lord Siral actually telling him to drop the idea if he wants to stay in he still defends it, slowly collapsing emotionally and yet, somehow, incapable of changing course. This is the tragedy to Jordan's farce, even Lord Siral appears to be wiping away a tear as Neil exists.

 Neil tries not to tear up

...and so does Lord Siral!

With her business acumen no longer in dispute, Leah is tested heavily on her ethical standards. When Lord Siral pushes her to see if there is anyone she would refuse to treat, for a moment I, and I think Leah, thought he was setting her up. "What, refuse to take someones money, what kind of business person are you?" But in the end, it seems having some ethical scruples are considered a good thing and she is allowed to progress to the final.

That leaves Francesca and Luisa. Luisa is a nightmare, but Francesca is dull. The outcome is pretty much inevitable and the finalists are Leah and Luisa. Somehow, despite a terrible performance for the first three weeks, we have ended up with an all women final. It really shows the value of these tasks in picking a winner.

 Finalists celebrate

Next Time: The Final and the finalists get to pick teams from the eliminated candidates who, with no stake in the process, can just pull faces at the camera. And at least one candidate has some kind of major disaster, that will probably turn out to be a lot less serious than the preview suggests.

Episode 10 - July 3rd 2013 - Sales smells

The Apprentice editors like to play with their audience. Careful flipping back and forth between the teams often creates an impression that one team is doing badly and another is doing well, when in fact the opposite is the case. Careful editing can create the illusion of parity where none exists and they like to keep us guessing up until the last minute, carefully hiding final results and achievements until we get to the boardroom.

Sometimes, it just doesn't work. Probably the most memorable example was back in series five, the cereal task, in which one team gave a master class in how to hang together and perfectly complete a task while the other was bullied by the serially obnoxious Phillip into creating Pants Man, the most irritating and nonsensical idea in Apprentice history. The editors tried to suggest that the winning team were falling out over a voice over, or that their advert wasn't quite as well shot, but ultimately they had to give in and let us watch one team be given a comprehensive spanking, the outcome never in doubt.

Watching a totally one sided drubbing can be entertaining, particularly if the losers are both obnoxious and arrogant. Sadly, this was not the case in Week 10 of this series.

Movie night at Apprentice palace

Lord Siral put in his series-ly home visit, this time in video format as he had an urgent business meeting. Don't put yourself out Lord Siral, there's only 250 grand at stake! The teams were put back to boys versus girls, given a starting budget of £150 and told to use it to buy up some stock to sell, before investing the profit in more stock. In other words, they had to 'smell what sells.' Or they could just count the number of items sold and determine it from that if their olfactory senses aren't up to much.

Previously, this task has been quite fun as Apprenti badly misjudge their market or insist on buying a jumble of everything. Not this time. Putting it simply, the girls spent their money sensibly, made some money, bought some more stock, sold some more and made a clear profit, while the boys bought the wrong items and didn't sell much of anything. I'd like to dress it up as more than that, but there really wasn't much more to it.

Okay, in slightly more detail, the girls chose Luisa as project manager, because she has retail experience, something she was willing to admit to. They decided to focus on fashion and Francesca, after asking some market stall holders who, presumably, had no idea she was planning to undercut them, suggested hats. The girls bought a large stock of hats and sold quite a lot. On the second day they were moved to a 'pop-up-mall' made of old storage containers (which made each 'shop' impossibly long and thin). They bought some, slightly more expensive but still fairly cheap, dresses. The dresses didn't sell very well, despite the team changing into them, which was their only blip. They ended with a comfortable £809.05.

 A long, thin clothes shop

The boys, lead by Myles (sort of), dithered all morning before deciding on mid range ceramics. This included a decent looking, wipe-clean, ceramic note pad and a, frankly, baffling ceramic rubber glove. Because they cost a lot to buy, the boys had hardly any to sell and mostly didn't. Jordan tried to diversify into greetings cards, but after a reasonably big sale to a newsagents, spent the rest of the day looking for another and ended up making very little money.

Pads...

...and Gloves

The next day, the boys moved to their shop, but with virtually no stock, ended up moving everything to the front and setting up a mini-market stall in an attempt to dispel the impression that they were planning to drag their customers into a deserted container and murder them. Jordan disappeared for most of the day buying candles, before returning with some that looked like it belonged in a medieval church or a Necromancer's lair.

 The boys stall shop

 Jordan's super candles

With sales slow, the boys decided to gamble on investing their profit in a single big ticket item and hoping to grab a last minute sale. Jordan returned with an odd looking designer vase retailing at £199. Myles and Neil, who were evidently expecting more for their money than what looked like a model of a bundle of toilet rolls, gave up and sent Jordan off to sell it. Despite some interest from a boutique in the last few minutes, no sale was made and the team lost the task with £550.26 of profit and assets.

High-end candles

There wasn't even much to say in the boardroom about this. Myles got in trouble for dithering and not understanding the market, while Jordan got it in the neck for picking the vase. Jordan wasn't willing to concede this, continuing to insist that the vase was a good buy. He still doesn't get that disagreeing with Lord Siral is not a good way to get him onside. Neil was the only who came out of the task looking at all good, having made the bulk of the sales, but he so good at claiming credit for everything that I don't think he needs any from me.

 What, what, what...

What the hell is this?

With the task abandoned as essentially boring, Lord Siral moved to the more fruitful topic of the boys business plans.

Tense situation

Myles plan is some kind of online business, doing marketing for high-end events, which is pretty much the same as the job he's already doing, but online in some way. Neil's plan is some kind of online business. He wants to set up an online estate agency. He's been researching this for years, apparently, and his main competitor made £80 million last year. Which means its either a market with a lot of money to be made, or one dominated by a hugely successful competitor.

Jordan's plan is some kind of online business. You may be detecting a pattern emerging here. Jordan has some plan that involves enabling users to make games for tablets and mobile phones. He starts to explain that tech people are not business people, but Lord Siral scoffs because he knows all about computers and games, what with the enormous success of the Amstrad X-Box.

 Not the time to be smug

But Jordan has another revelation, apparently there is another person involved in this deal, in the form of his invisible tech-savy partner. This would be a very good time to explain that this person is in no way Lord Siral's problem and that Jordan will take care of him. But no, Jordan is expecting, in the increasingly unlikely event of his victory, that there will be a further round of negotiations. When this annoys and confuses Lord Siral, he petulantly asks if he should throw over his existing partner. No, Jordan, I think you should gather your things and head for the door. Lord Siral already didn't like him, now he figuratively thrown shit all over the board room and he still thinks he's going to win.

 Try not to puke Jordan

Lord Siral sums up. He thinks Neil didn't a decent job of selling and his business plan doesn't entirely suck so he's safe, he has some kind of unspecified bad feeling about Myles, but he has no idea what Jordan is talking about. Jordan does his best to resist vomiting all over the table and, just about, succeeds. The writing isn't so much on the wall, as broadcast in twenty foot neon lights and yet, amazingly, Lord Siral wants to think about this some more, and Myles is fired for having starey eyes or something. What is going on? Has Lord Siral mistaken Jordan's business plan for some kind of word puzzle and now he's heard it he wants a chance to work out the answer? Or maybe Lord Siral just wants to stretch Jordan's torture over another week? Speaking of which...

Next Time: It's the interview week in which the candidates are abused to their faces by an agent from the Matrix, a mutant frog in a tight shirt and Margaret Mountford. One of the candidates is accused of being a parasite by Claude Litner, takes one to know one I suppose.

Episode 9 - June 26th 2013 - Pot Noodle

Poor Alex, after nine weeks he finally gets a shot at being project manager, but only because it was enforced by Lord Siral. It's a bit like the teacher giving the unpopular kid a shot at being team Captain. Everyone knows its not real. Not that this is going to stop Alex, whose confidence appears to be undentable, who launches into the role with gusto, possibly mistaking 'project manager' for 'dictator.'

 Luisa just can't be bothered this week

No team reshuffling this week, which means that Evolve have been left with just Neil, Luisa and Alex. As they have all had a go already, Lord Siral doesn't care who leads. The task is to design and market a new ready meal, and so Luisa, with her experience in the food industry should be ideal for the job. But after last weeks infighting she doesn't want it, leading two a split between Francesca and Neil that she decides in Neil's favour.

In fact, Luisa is determined to play down her food experience, refusing to go to the factory. Apparently, her only experience is in baking and she knows nothing about savoury food. Francesca is also keen to emphasise her food ignorance, but Neil clearly thinks Luisa is the most ignorant and packs her off to the factory while Luisa works on branding. Neil will be going with Luisa, having decided that branding is more important than product. Alex is no better, he and Myles will be working on the brand while Jordan and Leah will be going to the factory. He justifies sending Leah because, in spite of her lack of food industry experience, he thinks they will be 'nice to her.' I can't decide if this is sexist or just weird.

 Francesca is entirely happy at the factory

Alex and Myles pretty quickly fall out over branding ideas. Alex favours a pair of cartoon characters travelling around the world teaching children about regional food. He wants to name these two Pippity and Pop, after the welsh word for Microwave. Myles, prefers a horror theme that he labels 'Deadly Dinners'. They ask a random member of the public, sorry focus group, but she unhelpfully tells them that they're both good ideas. Alex is determined that his idea will win out, convinced that his idea is parent-friendly and educational, but he seems to lose confidence after being unable to explain how a picture of Pippity on a gondola is educational. In the end he gives in and they go with Myles idea.

Actually, once the decision is made, Alex jumps on board with a bit too much enthusiasm. The packaging ends up black, decorated with bats, blood and a skull, displayed on a fade skull background. Nick Hewer points out that skulls are more normally associated with poison though, to be fair, this is probably no more lethal than your average Sainsbury's lasagna.

 Appetising

Meanwhile, Evolve have decided on a fusion theme, combining Caribbean chicken with Thai noodles. Unfortunately, it turns out that when Francesca said she couldn't cook she wasn't lying and Luisa, who apparently was, has to dictate a recipe down the phone. Francesca has the assistance of a professional chef, but he doesn't have much to work with as Francesca queries whether it's possible to burn chicken (it is, who knew?) and checks to see if the noodles are done by hurling them at a wall. She's too stressed out to taste anything and the results are not well received by the test audience. Weirdly, the food with skulls on that claims to be made from bat's blood is actually the more appealing of the two.

How to cook wall noodles

Best not to look

Not that Luisa and Neil care about this, they're far too busy having a love-in and creeping out a designer. The end result, a rainbow patterned package labelled 'Oh my Pow' claims to be 'powerful food for people with powerful minds'. Powerful enough to avoid ready meals made by someone who thinks the wall is a cooking utensil we hope.

 We creeped out the designer...

 High five!

The next day the teams are given the chance to test their food on a focus group. Not that there's much point as they won't be able to make any changes. Maybe the idea is to make them shit themselves before the big presentations? A class of primary school kids are highly enthusiastic about Deadly Dinners, but the parents are less keen. You'd think they'd be okay one they saw the ingredients list on the side, which admits that it isn't really made of bats blood. Maybe two message were confusing and the parents don't know which to believe. Though bats blood would probably be preferable for the members of Evolve's focus group. Francesca is left desperately searching for positive feedback while Luisa disparages her cooking to her face.

 Oh my Pow!

The teams are dispatched to three retailers that Lord Siral has "laid on" again. Myles is presenting first for team Morse. He's been pretty reliable in the past, but the steady popping sound Alex is making as he punches a fork through the top of the packaging proves a bit distracting. Though not quite as distracting as when Alex interrupts to ask him how to operate a microwave. Unfortunately for the team, the people of Asda seem as put off by the skulls as the focus group parents.

 Asda seal of approval

Leah delivers the second presentation. Well I say "delivers", what she actually does is try to bark it out between interruptions by the rest of the team. Jordan gives presentation number three, and does a highly professional job, emphasising the dual marketing strategy of using the skulls to attract kids while emphasising the health details on the side. The whole team agrees that this was the best presentation of the day.

 Shut up Leah!

Over at Evolve, Neil has the opposite problem. The packaging is fine, but the food tastes of nothing. Eventually Neil hits on the idea of promising to add flavour if they make a big enough order. This could be a whole new marketing strategy for food. You could have a basic version with just texture, or the 'Extra special' range which actually tastes of something.

Back in the boardroom, Francesca comes in for heavy criticism for not tasting the food and not putting in any flavour, but Luisa also gets some flak for having refused to go to the factory when it was obvious she knew the most about cooking. But the amount of time spent on Evolve makes the outcome obvious. The team that gets the most criticism before the results are read out is always the winner, because there's no chance to moan at them afterwards.

And so it proves to be. Morrisons don't order anything from anyone, possibly because they're just short of cash. Occado order 300 from Evolve and 1000 from Morse, thanks to Jordan's presentation. But Asda swing things by ordering 2500 Pow, on condition that they add some flavour, while ordering nothing from Morse. According to Nick, they thought the product was "just plain wrong," which makes it sound as if it were a moral judgement. Maybe the got confused by Myles dodgy delivery and thought they were actually planning to poison children?

Evolve are sent off to raise some cars while Morse head to the Cafe, where Alex makes it plain to all and sundry that he thinks this is entirely Myles' fault. Back in the boardroom he loses no time in communicating the same to Lord Siral and even insists that he will only bring back Myles into the boardroom. Lord Siral isn't having any of that, so Alex brings back Leah, because her presentation wasn't as good as Jordans. Though, to be fair, she didn't actually deliver much of it, what with the interruptions.

Alex blames everything on Myles, justifying his decision to follow Myles lead by arguing that, as Myles is a parent, he should have a better idea of what children like. Myles still thinks the basic idea is solid, but concedes the execution wasn't up to much. He has to rely on his past record to save him. Leah gets a bit of flak for not doing much for weeks on it, but isn't really of any great interest. But Lord Siral is concerned that Alex has gone through two different businesses and is now starting up a third. He thinks Alex should stick to one idea. Because he didn't start out in computers and move on to property or anything.

 Myles keeps calm

It comes down to a battle between Myles past success and Alex's.. eyebrows? And the fact that he didn't come up with Deadly Dinners, I suppose. But this isn't enough to save him. He gets a "with regret" but Alex is gone. He doesn't look happy, but then he only ever looks happy when pretending to be a Dictator or a pervert.

 Alex puts a brave, if terrifying, face on it

Next Time: The teams are "invited to smell what sells" again, setting up small business's in a day. Sales, incidentally, smell like aniseed with a touch of cinnamon and a whiff of desperation.