Episode 12 - July 17th 2013 - The Reckoning

And so, after eleven weeks, we come to a crescendo, the final, the most exciting moment of the series. Or not. To be honest, I always find the final a bit anti-climactic. The worst, and therefore most entertaining, candidates have gone and the task itself is far too serious and self-important  to be any fun. At least, this year, the program-makers have seen sense and given us a proper final instead of using the interview round as the final, that way we get some of the old candidates back for a last hurrah. But even this is muted. With their irons well and truly out of the fire, the bitching and back-stabbing is largely toned down and all that's left is Lord Siral thinking long and hard about a decision that, by now, only he and the candidates are truly invested in. It's a dubious prize in any case. £250,000, but in return you have Lord Siral as your business partner, that's a heck of a sacrifice.

Must... resist... urge... to... stick... out... foot

The build up to the task is even more overblown than usual as Leah and Luisa are forced to stand side by side in a massive atrium, facing Karen and Nick, before Lord Siral marches in behind then, between the candidates before failing to make any kind of impression at all. The urge to stick out a foot as he walked past must have been overwhelming. The task? Launch their businesses, overnight. So all they have to do is come up with a brand name, logo and advert before giving a presentation to an audience of industry experts. Something tells me that the victors brand will be subject to considerable revision before actually being launched.

 Pendulum arms

Incidentally, Leah seems to have developed a very odd walk. She swings her arms vertically in front of her like a pendulum. Judging by her limited range of facial expressions, I'm starting to think she might be a clockwork android like in that episode of Doctor Who.

The best possible candidate?

Leah and Luisa are shoved off into a back room to pick their teams from the losing candidates who are willing to show up. Unfortunately, this year the finalists don't get to pick them by name, schools sports style allowing us to see exactly who respects who and how much. Instead, they have a bundle of CVs to look over before calling them up. Luisa has pretty good idea of who she wants, unfortunately, Leah had the same idea and was quicker on the phone snapping up Myles, Alex, Francesca and Uzma. Luisa is left with Neil, who she did actually want, Zee, Natalie and Jason, who she definitely didn't. I bet they all felt good finding out the were the consolation prize live in the audience for 'You're Hired.'

Leah has some very clear ideas of what her cosmetic surgery brand should be and already has a name, Niks, which is skin spelled backwards and not someone slipping with a knife. If you made that mistake you won't be the last one to do it this evening. Leah is keen to listen to suggestions, providing they're hers and after consulting herself concludes that this is definitely the brand name to go with.

 Branding Concept

In fact, after weeks of blending into the background, Leah appears to have three months of bossiness stored up and proceeds to full on dictator mode ordering the designers and her team about. Still, no-one can say she doesn't have clear ideas about what she wants.

The same can't be said for Luisa who is struggling to explain her brand to her own team. It definitely involves baking supplies, definitely equipment, possibly ingredients. She wants to sell to the trade, but not the public, or possibly to the public? It's not very clear. She stops off at a cake shop to survey her potential market place, by which I mean she tells them exactly what they should want and gives them the opportunity to agree with it.

Crystal Clear

Her choice of branding and logo don't make any thing clearer. If she is planning on selling to the trade then she should, surely be going for a professional look. So her choice of covering everything in pink and crowning it with a cartoon version of her own face looks decidedly odd. Neil tries to warn her that market research shows that pink could be off-putting to men, but Luisa decides to go with pink anyway because she likes pink so STFU.

A bit pink

Meanwhile, after weeks of standing around looking meek, Leah has saved up all her reserves of dictatorial bossiness and is letting it out full force with her designers and the rest of the team. She definitely wants professional and medical, but is also enamoured with a back to front letter K for some reason.

The bossiness extends into the next day when shooting an advert in a hastily mocked up clinic. Alex and Uzma can't even set out plants in the waiting room without Leah moving things around. I bet they wish they'd waited for Luisa to call now. The situation gets worse when Myles and Francesca, having carried out some last minute market research, warn her that the general public hate the name Niks and think it sounds like an accident with a scalpel. Leah has to change the name to N.I.K.S, which doesn't sound quite so threatening but invites questions about what it stands for.

My Face!

Things are going better at Luisa's advertising shoot, even if she is just reading things off idiot boards held up by Jason (I'm saying nothing). The production has the feel of an infomercial, except for the presence of two children who have to pretend Luisa is the Mum. They look less than happy, which is to say shocked and horrified, at the idea.

 Happy to be working with you

Presentations are looming and Luisa steadies her nerves by icing a million cupcakes. On the plus side the pink spotlights are out and Neil has brought plenty of pink balloons. Luisa has to give her presentation to the leading lights of the baking industry and Lord Siral. She stumbles over her words, but basically gets it out. The bakers don't seem to be any clearer on her target market than anyone else, but it basically goes okay. So it's surprising when she bursts into tears straight afterwards. Maybe its the emotion of the moment or possibly the thought that she might actually win and have to work with Lord Siral.

Luisa gets emotional, maybe she doesn't like balloons

The experts conclude that there is potential here, but the details need ironing out. Not least, who the hell is she actually trying to sell to?

No tears at Leah's presentation. Though that may be because she's injected so many chemicals into her face that she's no longer capable of experiencing human emotions. She wants her chain of plastic surgery clinics to be hyper-medical and specialise in three of the simplest procedures. One member of her audience, who likes she's had a bit of work done herself, thinks this is a mistake, as the major selling point in cosmetic surgery is a personal relationship with a doctor. To give her credit, Leah stands her ground pointing out that the market leader is a chain and is completely impersonal.

 Hands up everyone who still has their original face

The conclusion, pretty much the same as Luisa, decent idea, know the market, needs work. And the branding is pretty terrible.

 Backwards K

Back in the boardroom the former candidates essentially support their team leader. Even Jason, who thinks that Luisa's decision to choose him shows a level of respect. Good thing he doesn't know that she went through every other option, including the furniture, before settling on him.

 Jason is just happy to be here

The candidates dismissed there follows a good deal of waffle, but Lord Siralan's principal insight is that Luisa's branding looks too personal and Leah's too professional. He would call the clinics 'Dr Leah.' She doesn't like that. Okay Leah, it's great that you've found your confidence, but I'm not convinced it's a good idea to argue with the money.

The question is really the same as last week. Does Lord Siral go with the simple option of selling stuff to people or something risky that he hasn't tried before. The safe versus risky option is pretty much the same dilemma as last year, but as we know, last time he went with the safe option. So this year risky wins out and Leah gets the crown and the money and demonstrates that she is actually capable of smiling, though it may cause her physical pain.

 Disappointed Luissa

We then switch over to 'You're Hired' in which Luisa apologises to Jason three times in quick succession in a bid to show that she is, in fact, still human, and then Leah comes on in triumph only to be overshadowed by Lord Siral who insists that the new business venture won't involve doing face lifts on school children. We're all so relieved.

 Victorious Leah