She actually squeaks!
Tim wants to start a drinks company if he gets the 250 grand, so Lord Al puts him in charge of the girl's team, Evolve. This may be a punishment for speaking up in the boardroom when he had already won. You can't fault Tim's enthusiasm, but he gestures so elaborately that its probably best to stand back a few metres or risk losing an eye. He gets off to a decent start, suggesting that everyone should have a turn to speak instead of talking all over one another, but his suggestion of a low-fat beer for women is met with appropriate levels of derision and he ends up 'overruling himself' which is a bit like killing yourself to deny the enemy the satisfaction.
The teams are once again required to divide, with half being sent off to do marketing and the other to manufacture the product. This is a great opportunity for conflict because one team is trying to sort out branding while the other is still working out what the product is supposed to be. Kurt, put in charge of Team Morse because of his drinks company experience, decides to head up the marketing before sending three people who don't like beer and one, Zeeshaan, who can't drink for religious reasons. Kurt's reasoning is that if he doesn't drink beer he has no idea how it's marketed.. But then if he doesn't drink it he can't try it either.
Kurt pretty quickly demonstrates his level of respect for the sub-team by ignoring the results of their taste test completely and deciding on a chocolate and orange beer because they like the colours of something. Neil quickly claims credit for the flavour, branding and the name 'bitter this', before going on to claim he invented beer, brewing and the whole concept of pouring liquids into your face. On the plus side, the branding looks decent and the manufacturing team are getting on with a kind of defeated efficiency.
Team Evolve are also doing well with the branding, in spite of Luisa's determination to cut off the designer in mid-flow in order to bang on about something completely different. Things are not going so well at the plant. Francesca has been put in charge of the ratios of flavouring to beer, only to get monumentally confused and adding a toxic level of caramel and rhubarb to a keg. The notion that there is such a thing as a toxic level of rhubarb and caramel flavour is the idea I find troubling. Having wasted a keg the team will surely sort out their numbers now rather than waste more money and material? Nope. Another keg is down the drain. Eventually the mess is sorted out and the team can get on with bottling, but they seem to be losing a lot of product over the floor. I've heard of the expression 'couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery' but I'm not sure pissing half your product up a wall is actually a good business strategy.
Making beer in a brewery
A piss-up in a brewery
The next day the teams are sub-divided once again, this time one team will sell to the public and one to the trade. Team Morse set off for a beer festival. If anyone is up for a chocolate and orange beer it will be this crowd and the team initially does some pretty good business. Unfortunately, they are charging twice as much as everyone else. Jordan points this out to Kurt. A quick decision is needed and Kurt quickly decides to have an argument in the middle of trade floor.
Eventually the team gets bored and takes a two hour trip to the South bank where Kurst decides to completely reverse his earlier policy and offers beer for a lower price than just about anywhere in central London. Shockingly this leads to a big jump in sales.
Things do not go so well for Tim. Following a suggestion from Rebecca his team end up at the Kent Beer festival, which turns out to be about two dozen people at the back of a pub. Tim is not one to despair and before long he's doing ad breaks during the Morris Dancing. The team everntually leaves having sold a pint to just about everyone at the festival and still only having gotten rid of a keg and a half. They end up at trying to flog bottles at a wine bar, which suggests someone doesn't quite understand what beer is.
Somehow, Tim is the most embarrassed
On the trade side, team Evolve are doing a decent professional job, despite Rebecca's tendency to jab her finger into everyone's face. Things don't go quite so well for the boy's sub-team of Alex, Jason and Zeeshaan.They get off to a bad start when Zee insists that not only must Jason not speak during pitches, but he isn't even allowed to talk about sales. This slightly paranoid demand may be a response to his experience with Neil whose definition of letting Zee lead the pitch consisted of bellowing into his ear. Our sympathies should be with Jason, but he manages to argue at such extragvagent length that an exasperated Alex ends up exclaiming 'shut up you silly shit!"
Matters go from shit to shittier when they arrive at a pub the girl's have just vacated with no sign of a sample and are largely humiliated out of the building. Zee chooses his moment to claim that this was inevitable, though apparently not so inevitable that he bothered to mention it earlier. Queue a long ranty argument over the phone with Kurt's team about who exactly is responsible for this.
Now with samples in tow, the not entirely adequate three end arrive at another pitch with samples in tow. Things go much better now that they actually have a product and Zee is edging down from £90 a keg when Jason decides to offer it to them for £75 for no apparent reason. Not a smart move, certainly, but bollocking him in front of customers might be considered unprofessional Zee. The bollocking continues, Alex now decides he is a "dozy pleb" into the street and by pitch number three Jason is practically tied up in a sack to keep him out of trouble.
Make up your mind Alex, silly shit or dozy pleb?
Back in the boardroom, Jason is keen to ensure that Alex and Zee are punished. Apparently Alex "disgraced" Lord Sugar by swearing and his pitch was deceptive. Lord Siral isn't overly impressed, for him ethics stops at the point legality meets profit. Unsurprisingly, team Evolve sold more to the trade, but team Morse wiped the floor with their sales to the public. Sadly, this means the more entertainingly incompetent candidates have been spared and are duly packed off to Belgium where Alex swans around with his coat over his shoulders like a gangster and no-one talks to Jason.
The Mob is in town
Things are looking pretty bleak for Tim, but his own team throw him a lifeline by blaming Francesca for the cock up over the flavour ratios and Rebecca for the choice of location. Rebecca claims that an alliance has formed against her. No simple conspiracy for her, nothing less than full on military power will topple her mighty sales skills. Personally, I think Uzma just snapped after having one too many fingers shoved in her face. Rebecca has a good defence in that she actually made the most sales. Francesca doesn't, but bad at counting makes for a dull reason to fire someone and out Tim goes.
Back at the house, none of the girls seem very happy to see Rebecca, while Neil 'jokes' that a few more of the boys should get themselves fired. He's not making any friends here.
Next time: the teams try to come up with sub-Ikea flat back furniture and produce a cross between modern art and a weapon.
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