We are gathered here today
Lord Siral 're-balances' the teams by moving Jordan back to eam Morse. I'm not sure how 'balanced' this leaves things given that we now have a team that includes Luisa and Neil on one hand and Jason on the other. Amazingly, the newly reconstituted team Evolve make Jason the project manager, because he managed a dating website at University and because it may be the best way to avoid mutually assured destruction if Luisa and Neil both decide to go off on one.
Meanwhile, Alex things he should be PM of team Morse because he has experience running an Internet business and hasn't been project manager yet. The team consider this carefully and then put Jordan in charge, possibly to see if Alex's eyebrows will rotate if he gets angry enough. I'm not sure what the lack of trust in Alex is all about. He is the youngest candidate and looks faintly like a Vampire, but given that Luisa and Neil have been put in charge before and Jason is, amazingly, about to have a second go, it really does feel a bit extreme.
Alex is happy with the team's decision
Evolve, under Jason's leadership, decide to pursue the over 50s market. Jason is keen to do something young, trendy and vibrant. Unfortunately, this is nixed by the focus group Neil and Francesca go to see, who seem to prefer something more sedate, possibly to the point of immobile. After last weeks cock up with the caravans, no-one is keen to contradict the target market. The problem is that they are now basing the whole strategy on the opinions of three people in a pub. Plus, the over fifties aren't strictly the target market. They will be pitching to a team of 'advertising creatives' with there own pre-conceived ideas of what the over 50s want, regardless of what actual over fifties have to say on the subject.
Relaxed
Unfortunately, the focus group feedback clearly throws Jason. Having taken the name 'Friendship and Flowers' from the focus group, Jason then spends 45 minutes trying to decide on the colours for a logo that's looking increasingly like it should be for a funeral home. Jason is clearly dithering to a ridiculous degree, but it probably doesn't help that Luisa is squawking "make a decision, make a decision Jason, I can't believe you haven't made a decision," over and over again into his ear until the words lose all meaning and it starts to feel like tinnitus. She then moans at him all the way out of the door. By the time the two of them make it to the web-designer, two hours late, Jason is so broken he lets Luisa take over. The end result looks like a printout that got cut off half way through. "Make a decision, just make a decision Jason."
"Make a decision, Jason, just make a decision"
Team Morse, meanwhile, have chosen to target young professionals. Themselves in other words. Alex and Jordan come up with the name Cufflinks, which is one of those Apprentice names where the slightly weak pun distracts them from bizarreness of the name as a whole. The task was to design a dating website and now we have a funeral home and a men's fashion boutique.
As they are their own target market, Morse don't need a focus group. Instead, Francesca and Myles wander around taking promo pictures. Unfortunately, there's two of them, one camera and they want pictures of couples. Myles suggests they get a member of the public to take photos of them, but Leah is horrified at the prospect of posing with someone as shockingly old as Myles. Honestly, he's nearly 40, he should be in a home! Instead they accost a random passer by, and Leah does her best to pretend she isn't repulsed by him.
In no way awkward
Back with Evolve, and Jason has been so brow-beaten by Luisa that he doesn't think he is capable of making decisions any more an plans to abdicate in favour of her. Neil is less than impressed by this, thinking that its somehow against the rules, but Luisa is insistent and Jason just looks broken. Neil declares Luisa project manager, as though its some how up to him. Jason decides to re-brand this wimping out in the face of Luisa's sustained assault as courage.
Jason takes the courageous decision
Next day and the teams have to work on TV adverts. These are always good fun, because every person on the team fancies themselves as a potential Oscar winner. This inevitably leads to fighting and a finished product that looks more like a bad short film than an advert. Francesca comes up with a fairly twee effort that's clearly unsettling Nick Hewer's stomach. Poor man, this series has done terrible damage to his digestive system. We also get the bizarre site of a middle aged woman trying to wink down the camera lens and being ambivalent about which eye to close.
You thought I'd go left, but in the end I went right
But its nothing to the fun at team Morse. Leah and Alex have been put in charge, the team having decided to cast Alex as an example of the kind of person you would never want to date. Having decided Alex can't lead a team, they have now decided he can't get a girlfriend. But Alex throws himself into the roll with gusto. Probably too much gusto. The team wanted undatable, but they ended up with a horrifying cross between the Child Catcher, a panda and a character from a Japanese horror film. It's a performance so unsettling it reaches back through time and justifies the BBCs decision to screen every episode of the Apprentice after the watershed simply because of its association with this. Leah and Alex spend half the day fighting over camera angles, which leaves them short of footage and Alex in character for far too long.
The remainder of the teams are preparing for the big presentation in front of a group of advertising creatives. Jordan has delegated this job to Myles, while Luisa has decided to give the presentation herself, apparently solely to piss of Neil, which seems to be as good a reason to do something as anything.
Evolve go first, forcing Luisa to justify a website that consists of a logo and a single middle aged man staring blankly out at them. Apparently its a 'work in progress' presumably in the same sense that a passport photo is 'a work in progress' for Facebook. The creatives find Francesca's advert funny, but not in a good way, particularly the disturbing winking woman, who may be having a stroke.
Work in progress
Myles is up next. But his pitch is frustratingly boring and professional. The creatives even find Alex's horrifying performance funny. The site name comes in for some criticism as does the lack of coherence between the tone of the advert and the tone of the website.
A consistent marketing strategy
With no money on the line this week, Lord Siral gets to pick the winner based on the advise of the creatives, which essentially means he can pull it out of his arse. In the boardroom, Jordan comes in for criticism for delegating everything and not doing any work himself. I bet he's regretting telling Lord Siral to try buffalo. Morse's website and advert are criticised for their inconsistent tone, but Evolve's is just twee and patronising. Lord Siral decides to give Morse the benefit of the doubt, which will rapidly transform into accusing Evolve of being totally useless.
Morse are sent off to eat £35,000 worth of caviar off the back of their hands. Alex decides it's like fish pate.
A return to the boardroom creates a problem of jurisdiction. Who is actually project manager here? Luisa and Jason claim joint responsibility, but Luisa wants to bring Neil back and Jason Francesca. Francesca is so furious about this that she volunteers to come back so that she can chew Jason out. Francescai is rapidly becoming so angry she's in danger of boiling the boardroom. This time she's angry because Jason is blaming her for the team's failure when she finished her advert and he didn't finish the website. She presumably believes the birdy song to be superior to Beethoven's 10th symphony, because Beethoven didn't get it finished.
Back away Neil
Jason is still trying to claim that "his" decision to step down was courageous, because he put the team first. It's not looking good until Nick Hewer steps up to blame Luisa for badgering Jason, and claims it was the worst display of rudeness he'd ever seen. Suddenly Luisa is on the defensive. It might not be enough to save Jason, but Lord Siral may have marked her card. Jason is fired, but "with regret." He even calls Jason a "nice fellow," another one of his oddly twee expressions.
Next Time: The teams produce ready meals and... HOLY FUCK!
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