With two women gone its time to shake up the teams, if only in the interest of ensuring gender balance come the final. So Duane and Nick are packed off to Stirling. The two teams are then sent off to a local deli to decide on a table sauce or chutney to produce. Duane wants to be project manager, he doesn't know anything about the industry, but he really wants to be. Gabrielle wouldn't mind the job, but she backs down in the face of Duane's overwhelming need. Because if there's one thing we've learned from the Apprentice it's that what makes a good project manager is an overwhelming sense of desperation.
Katie puts herself forward to lead team Phoenix. But Adam is concerned that it might be a bit complicated for her. He manages to avoid saying "love" and "pretty little head" but manages to project them telepathically. Katie pulls a face like she can't quite believe what's she's hearing. This will become a common expression throughout the task. The rest of the team seem to be in favour. But Ricky's admission that he thinks she will be easy to manipulate suggests that feminism hasn't quite taken hold of the business world yet. The team do manage to decide on a Mediterranean style ketchup.
Stirling, meanwhile, like the idea of chutney. Or possibly just the taste of chutney. Jane actually works in the industry, but her cache is well down after last week's bath riot-shield debacle and so her concerns that the chutney market is horribly over saturated are ignored. This will be characterised as negativity because blind optimism always trumps competence in this show.
The teams are divided into sub-teams, one to go to the factory and produce a sample and the other to design some labels. Stephen reckons he has a good name - Bellissimo, though he's not sure if it's actually Vellissimo and he thinks it means beautiful or great or something. Katie thinks they should probably check what it actually means. Stephen agrees, but spends the rest of the car journey saying it over and over again like a small child who has just learned to speak.
At the label designers, they agree that the label should have a Mediterranean feel, which they decide means sunsets. The first image is quickly rejected for looking like a suntan lotion bottle. But never mind, there must be an alternative sunset they can use? Apparently not as Katie quickly settles on an image of a single red pepper on a white background. And that's it, job done. Sorry, I thought this was a Mediterranean ketchup? I know it's got peppers in it, but that's an incidental ingredient. Slapping that on the label is like advertising the Apprentice with an extreme close up of Nick Hewer's shoes.
"It means beautiful or fantastic, one of those two I'm not a hundred percent sure."
Meanwhile, the Stirling sub-team have come up with a decent modern looking label using brown and yellow colour bars. But it's not all smooth sailing for Stirling. At the factory Jane is in no way being punished for her insubordination by being put in charge of the figures. She knows the industry, but reckons they can't work out their costings without a definitive recipe. Problem is, Duane reckons they can't sort out the recipe until they know what everything costs. While this is going on the rest of the team seem to be throwing any old thing into the pan as they wander by. Chillies, Ginger, more chillies, more ginger. Duane employs the ultimate technique of Apprentice management, he tells Jane he needs a definite answer now. Duane should really work for the UN, just think of all the problems he could solve. Look Israel, Palestine, I need a definite answer now.
With a definite answer of some kind reached, Jane suggests tasting the stuff, only to find that its a touch spicy. Duane's not sure, he takes a big bite and is absolutely fine... cough, cough, choke, aaagh my throat it burns! He goes off for a cough in a corner while the rest of the team giggle, before returning, going off for a bit more coughing and then deciding they can't use this batch as a sample. Probably a good decision given that the smell from the noxious concoction has even driven off Nick Hewer.
Yum!
Katie's Phoenix sub-team are pitching to representative from a chain of delicatessens. They seem impressed with the product, except that they've spelt Bellissimo with only one 'l' on the label. Seriously, they spelt it wrong? After Katie said to check it didn't mean crap they couldn't get the spelling right. Actually, given that Stephen is still banging on that bellissimo means beautiful or great or something it seems that his skills are limited to barking out words staccato fashion.
But Stirling have an even bigger problem, no sample to show. Something that the buyers think has never happened before in the history of condiments. Never let it be said that the Apprentice candidates are not trail blazers. Jade does her best to describe the taste of the product in her smoker's cough voice. Impressive given that she never tasted it and it nearly killed the project manager.
But at least Stirling's factory is running smoothly now, with Jane in charge and Duane running up and down like a madman. Over at the Phoenix factory things are not going so well. Despite being able to get out a sample, Ricky's team seem to be struggling with mass-production. One batch has already been lost after it started "boiling like an omelette" to quote Adam. Boiling an omelette? I seriously wouldn't want to eat anything at his house. Once this problem has been solved, the team faces the challenge of getting the stuff into the bottles before it cools down and solidifies. Plus they seem to have picked up a batch of bottle repelling rubber gloves and several more end up on the floor. Kate is forced to up the price to cover the losses and deploy her disbelieving face again.
Premium Product
The next day, following a quick reshuffle of personnel, the sub teams are deployed again. One to sell to the public, the other to trade. Katie, relying on the higher margins from selling to the public, keeps most of the bottles for her team, sending Michael, Tom and Azhar with only 80 bottles to sell to the trade. Michael reckons this will be easy, a statement not so much tempting fate as force feeding fate a concoction of chocolate, beer and heroin deep fried in batter
Duane divides his jars up evenly and the two teams are off. The Stirling trade team, consisting of Nick, Jade and Jane, presumably because Duane didn't want her around, get off to a dodgy start at a deli. The Chutney maker has spoken, and he isn't interested in non-British products and the team are not going to convince him that these pineapples came from Cornwall. But they have more luck with the buyers from yesterday who have given them another chance. Armed with a sample the team make a substantial sale, but Nick Hewer, not a man known for naive optimism, points out they have gotten rid of them quite cheaply.
Still they're doing better than Duane's sub-team in what looks like Marks and Spencers. They are such a charisma vacuum that their potential customers seem to be ageing around them. Katie and her team are having more success, presumably because having an annoying personality is better than having no personality at all. And their three for £10 deal seems to be going down well.
Alas, Michael's team are struggling. Katie told them not to drop below £1.99 a bottle, and Michael is unwilling to drop to the £1.95 the buyer demands. Azhar and Tom instigates what would be a coup, but that requires some kind of interaction with the leader. They simply ignore Michael and decide Azhar will take the lead on the next pitch. Michael is left sinking into his seat like a man wondering if he may just be a figment of his own imagination. The team then pick a cafe owner who turns out to be Italian and knows how to spell bellissimo, but he does take twelve bottles off their hands.
Michael fades into the background
With the day drawing to a close, both Duane and Katie end up flogging their remains cheaply to a corner shop. Reporting back Katie tells Michael that they sold everything leading him to ask "how did you do that?" as if he doesn't fully understand the concept of exchanging goods for money.
Back in the boardroom Adam is keen to claim credit for just about everything, largely because he salvaged a few dregs, while Jane is unwilling to offer Duane her unqualified support and so is labelled disloyal. In the end, Stirling notches up their first win, having sold twice as much product, but then they had twice as much product to sell. Ricky, in an unparallelled display of modesty, reckons it was all the fault of the other guys and that everything right was down to him. Katie's problem is that the major problems occurred in teams she wasn't supervising, so she brings back Michael and Ricky because they were in charge.
Ricky's defence is that he wasn't told this was mass-market sauce. Katie once again deploys her disbelieving face, on the basis that Ricky shouldn't have to be told to make as much as possible. Perhaps he was trying to create artificial scarcity and drive up prices? His second defence is even more impressive, he produced as much sauce as they managed to sell. So if they had made any more it wouldn't have sold. The fact they had to up their prices and lower their margins due to wastage hasn't occurred to him yet. But feeble as they are, his defences are still better than Michael who just seems confused by everything and can only claim to have started from nothing and had no education as though this is a good thing.
Alas, arrogant and stupid trumps boring and Michael is dispatched. Katie came up with some feeble marketing, but given they had nowhere near enough product to sell it hardly became an issue Ricky escapes due to entertainment value and Michael is packed off in a taxi, looking relieved to be getting away.
NEXT TIME the candidates sell second-hand goods. Well I say second-hand, Adam seems to be sourcing his from a bin. And Laura resorts to begging.
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